ongoing thought

before all i could think and complain about is the absence of my father, not physically but emotionally. now thats long gone from my head since all i could think about is my brother. my brother has psychological problems, he has to! now all ive been thinking and worrying about is how he takes it all out on me. my mother always insists on me never fighting back and rather ignoring him. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh typical hispanic woman; accepting any form of abuse from a male. fuck all that. his problems will soon enough cause me some mental problems. its really hard living with him, even harder going to school with him. you know, getting yelled at for his F. receiving that ever so sincere "FUCK YOU" before i enter class. its the toppings on a yogurt you know? i feel tears rushing out way too often. i sometimes feel like a cry baby. but then i take a step back and logically analyze the situation, why the hell do i have to put up with this?! im crying before i go to church, before i see danny, before i go to school, just car rides with him make me tear up. thats another thing, the fact of him being in the same room as me upsets me. i feel an angry vibe from him. whether he is brushing his teeth, closing a door, any simple task; he does it angrily. i feel bad for the guy, but fuck this shit is affecting me too. i dont think my mother realizes it, although i always tells her. she even witnesses it. yet there is "nothing" she can do about it. if he wont get outta the house, im rushing out as soon as i can transfer to a different school. i honestly think im developing pysochological problems due to all of his unexplainable actions. i sometimes feel bad for him like i should try helping him more. but im tired of being the dirty cement he walks and spits all over.



now imagine all these thoughts stored in my head for months...